Grief and Loss Counselling in Kelowna and Online Across BC
Support for the loss you are carrying, whether or not the people around you have treated it as one. In person in Kelowna and West Kelowna, and virtually anywhere in British Columbia.
Most people who contact me about grief have already been told they should be further along than they are. Sometimes by someone who meant well. More often by a timeline they set for themselves and then quietly failed to meet.
I lost both of my parents to terminal illness earlier in life than I expected to. That is a large part of why I do this work, and why I do it the way I do. I know what it is like to have the ground taken out from under you, and to watch the rest of the world carry on at its usual speed while you are still standing in it.
I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor with a Masters in Counselling Psychology, registered with the BCACC, and I specialize in grief and loss. I have training in Somatic Experiencing, which shapes a lot of how I work with grief in the body rather than only in conversation.
What grief counselling with me actually looks like
It is not a structured program with stages you pass through. Most sessions are a conversation that goes where it needs to go, with me paying close attention to what is happening in your body while we have it. Grief tends to live somewhere physical, and people are often surprised by how much of it shows up as exhaustion, nausea, a tight chest, or a nervous system that will not settle.
You do not need to arrive with your loss organized into a story. You can be angry about it, bored of it, relieved about parts of it, or unable to feel much at all. All of that is ordinary and none of it is evidence that you are grieving incorrectly.
There is also room for humour here. Grief is heavy, and sessions do not have to be heavy the whole time to be useful. Clients have told me it feels like talking to someone who gets it, which is mostly what I am aiming for.
The losses I work with
Death of a parent, partner, sibling, child, or friend. Anticipatory grief, where someone you love is still alive and you are already mourning. Losses connected to terminal illness, palliative care, hospice, and the MAID process, which I have specific training and lived familiarity with.
Also the losses that other people do not always count. The end of a relationship. Estrangement from family. Infertility and pregnancy loss. A chronic illness diagnosis and the version of your life you had been planning around. The death of a pet, which people routinely apologize for being upset about. When a loss is not publicly recognized as one, you often end up grieving it privately and on top of that feeling unreasonable for grieving at all.
How I work
My approach is warm, relatable, and led by you rather than by a protocol. I lean toward a less structured style, which in practice means I am following your material rather than working through a worksheet. I will be direct when directness is useful.
Because of my Somatic Experiencing training, I pay attention to what grief is doing to your nervous system, not only to what you think about it. For a lot of people that is the part that has been missing. You can understand your loss perfectly well and still be unable to sleep, and understanding it more thoroughly does not fix that. Working with the body sometimes does.
Sessions can look however they need to. You are welcome to use fidgets, colour, wrap yourself in a blanket, or hold a weighted pillow. None of that is unusual here.
What happens in a first session
We start with a free 15-minute consultation, which is mostly about whether I am the right fit. You can ask me anything you want about how I work.
In a first full session I will ask about the loss, but you get to decide how much of it you tell me and when. Some people arrive and talk for fifty minutes straight. Others spend most of the first session on logistics and small talk while they work out whether the room feels safe. Both are fine, and the second one is more common than people expect.
If you want a fuller picture of what a first appointment is like in general, I have written about that in what to expect in a first therapy session.
In person in Kelowna, or online anywhere in BC
I see clients in person in Kelowna and West Kelowna, and virtually across British Columbia. Virtual sessions work well if you are outside the Okanagan, if getting to an office is difficult, or if grief has made leaving the house feel like more than you can manage on a given week.
Booking runs through Jane, and you can see current availability and rates there. If cost is part of what you are weighing up, I have written a plain explanation of what counselling costs in BC and what affects the price, including how extended health coverage tends to work with RCC services.
If your grief is bound up with a chronic illness diagnosis, whether your own or someone else’s, you may also want to read about chronic illness counselling, which overlaps with this work closely.
Reading on grief while you decide
A lot of people spend time reading before they book anything, which seems entirely sensible to me. These are the pieces I have written that people tend to find most useful, grouped by where you might be.
If the loss is recent
- What to expect the first time you experience grief
- The stages of grief are not a checklist
- How long does grief last?
If you are grieving a particular kind of loss
- How to grieve a parent
- Grieving someone who is still here
- Grief and chronic illness
- Pet loss grief and why it hurts as much as it does
If nobody around you is treating it as a loss
If you are working out what to do next
- When to seek grief counselling
- Grief or depression, and how to tell the difference
- How to support a grieving friend
Common questions about grief counselling
When should I see a counsellor for grief?
There is no waiting period you have to serve first. Some people come in the week after a death because they want support while it is happening. Others come two years later, when everyone else has moved on and they are still not sleeping. A useful sign is when grief has started to interfere with the parts of your life you want back, or when you find you are managing it by not feeling it at all.
How long does grief counselling take?
It depends on the loss and on what you want from the work. Some people come for six or eight sessions to get through a specific period, such as a first anniversary or a return to work. Others stay longer because the loss has changed something structural about their life and they want company while they work out what comes next. We talk about this openly rather than committing you to a fixed number up front.
Do I have to have lost someone to death for this to count as grief?
No. Grief follows loss of all kinds. Relationship endings, estrangement, infertility, a diagnosis that changes what your life is going to look like, the version of the future you had planned for. These losses are often harder to talk about because the people around you may not treat them as losses at all, which tends to make them heavier rather than lighter.
Do you offer virtual grief counselling in British Columbia?
Yes. I see clients in person in Kelowna and West Kelowna, and virtually anywhere in BC. Virtual sessions are a good fit if you are outside the Okanagan, if travel is difficult, or if grief has made leaving the house feel like more than you can manage. The work itself is the same.
Is counselling with an RCC covered by extended health insurance?
Many extended health plans in BC include services provided by a Registered Clinical Counsellor, though coverage varies quite a bit between plans and employers. It is worth checking your specific plan for whether RCC services are included and what your annual limit is before you book.
What if I am not sure I am ready to talk about it?
That is a normal place to start from, and you do not have to arrive with your loss organized into a story. Some first sessions are mostly logistics and small talk while you decide whether the room feels safe. That is a legitimate use of the time. A free 15-minute consultation exists partly so you can find out how it feels to say any of this out loud before committing to anything.
You do not have to know what you want from this yet.
A free 15-minute consultation is a low-stakes way to find out whether we are a fit. In person in Kelowna and West Kelowna, or online anywhere in British Columbia.
Book a consultation